Generation Why?

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Millennials get a bad wrap.

It isn’t unusual for younger generations to receive flack for being the new and up-and-coming age group. There’s blame, victimization, anger, confusion, and a whole lot of “shaking one’s fist in the air and yelling ‘Get off my lawn’.” An argument could be made as to why: older people become more settled in their ways and hate change; the evolution of technology makes it difficult to keep up; there’s possibly envy and jealousy; or maybe it’s a combination of all the above.

When I was younger, I remember hearing my grandparents complain about music tastes, manners, and general laziness in “today’s youth.” Since I’ve gotten older (I’ll be turning the big 3-0 this year), I’ve noticed the taunting becoming more severe, and the graphic above epitomizes almost every single issue.

Today’s society has an unfortunate outlook – survival mode. It’s all about “my piece of pie” as if there isn’t enough for everyone to go around. Plus, there’s immense disregard for future generations simply because “one doesn’t live forever, so why should I care what happens 100 years from now.”

I don’t know if Millennials are truly a sensitive generation capable of seeing the racial disparity, an immigration issue, LGBTQIA discrimination, ageism, ableism, a flawed legal system, prison and military industrial complexes, an oligarchy regime, and now a fascist regime. Or that we thankfully live in a time where brilliant minds are capable of sharing their thoughts and research using today’s social media platforms.

Whatever the case, it’s true that Millennials and younger peoples do reject typical values seen in previous age groups: religion, marriage, having children, corporate cultures, etc. Seeing our parents struggle, having to adapt to vast changes in technology, and wanting better for ourselves and children, we developed new ways of being a member to society. Using the tools developed – Hell, developing the tools really – we’ve been able to change the world.

Change can be very scary, especially in a time when everyone feels attacked.

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Laganja Estranja on Season 6 of RuPaul’s Drag Race – Untucked

Amusingly, the above gif (I say Jif because that’s how you fucking say it) shows a Millennial crying out, displaying behavior typically attributed to my generation. However, a lot of the older generations are the one being “snowflakes”:

  • “ALL LIVES MATTER – but I’m not going to ever show up to protest anyone’s death.”
  • “Women are objects. Grab ’em by the pussy.”
  • “I should be allowed to discriminate against faggots without any loss of business due to my religious beliefs. Baking a cake/selling a bouquet should only be for straight people.”
  • “My right to free speech is being infringed upon because people are calling me a Nazi, even though I prescribe to Nazi ideology. The very ideology that built a regime that eradicated any sense of ‘free speech’.”
  • “Why should I have to press ‘1’ for English? This is America, even though it was built on the backs of people of color who spoke different languages.”

At the end of the day, Millennials are the next generation in line. Yes, there’s growing up to be done, but that’s in every generation. Why attack someone instead of mentor to help integrate them?

I cannot guarantee that we’ll continue being the most progressive as we age. There’s already things in people younger that I would rather strangle than nurture. But I also know how it feels to be discriminated against due to the year I was born. I will try my best not to do the same to them as it was done to me.

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Don’t waste that shit.

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Why am I such a coward?

(Originally, I used the word “pussy” before I realized pussies are actually quite powerful pieces of anatomy. Also, the word is misogynistic. Personally, I don’t want to see “pussy” used as an insult any longer; it should be a term of one’s bravery and courage. How about we make a campaign to reclaim pussy? The same that was done with CUNT.)

What do the shadows of my mind have to hold against me? It’s like blackmail to keep me imprisoned.

What am I so scared of?

Failure? Success? Accountability?

Is it the depression? Is it the jaded bitterness in me?

I. Don’t. Know. Anymore.

(I’ve sat at the computer staring at the monitor wondering what the fuck should I say for the past 20 minutes.)

It’s a fear of Death.

I kept worrying about wasting time towards something I have no control over, other than the material I produce. But I have no control over the popularity, over whether I’ll be successful, or if it will be all for naught.

What if I spend my entire life going down one path and I regret it all?

I used to say I never held any regret because I didn’t want to be one of those people who lived a life of regret. But there’s a lot of regret. I fucked up a lot. I ignored advice and I wasted so much time.

The entire photo above tells me to ignore that fear, ignore the regret, and do the things I know that will make me happy.

It’s time to enjoy life and “[not] waste that shit.”

Love sets all free.

This is my boyfriend and me.

This is my boyfriend and me.

My title might sound cliche, but I’ve never felt freer than when I gave in.

See, I’ve been single for 4+ years, and I only found intimacy when it came to being promiscuous because I feared being hurt. I tried finding love in all the wrong places, so I let it be.

Then, I met Him. No, not Jesus. He’s a capital H-i-m because he saved me in a way.

I was drowning in self-pity and sorrow, kept getting in my own way no matter how hard I worked. The self-saboteur kept winning.

But Joshua helped me. He came at a time unexpected, and I feared giving in. He was so nice, gentle, sweet, but he had a roughness to him in all the right ways. It wasn’t hard falling head over heels.

Still, I hesitated.

After talking with my friend, also ex, Ritchie, he asked why I couldn’t allow myself to feel loved. The first thing which came to my mind was that I wasn’t good enough for love. How could I be? Everyone in my life abandoned me, turned from me, insulted me, broke me. To me, the common denominator was me. And if everyone treated me badly, then doesn’t it make sense to think that I am rotten?

A rotten fruit plucked too soon from the Tree of Life.

Joshua didn’t treat me that way.

He rushed into the “L” word, and that’s why I pulled back.

But after my talk with Ritchie, I knew I needed to give in, for once in my life, and let go.

Since then, I have been incredibly happy with Joshua. He’s made me laugh; made me feel beautiful; made me feel like I could be anything.

I am free in many ways, especially with my heart, but I know there’s still something dark within me. Though I am free in love, I am still a prisoner in my mind. I have much to figure out and I will have to face my shadow-self.

At least, I won’t have to do it alone.