Generation Why?

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Millennials get a bad wrap.

It isn’t unusual for younger generations to receive flack for being the new and up-and-coming age group. There’s blame, victimization, anger, confusion, and a whole lot of “shaking one’s fist in the air and yelling ‘Get off my lawn’.” An argument could be made as to why: older people become more settled in their ways and hate change; the evolution of technology makes it difficult to keep up; there’s possibly envy and jealousy; or maybe it’s a combination of all the above.

When I was younger, I remember hearing my grandparents complain about music tastes, manners, and general laziness in “today’s youth.” Since I’ve gotten older (I’ll be turning the big 3-0 this year), I’ve noticed the taunting becoming more severe, and the graphic above epitomizes almost every single issue.

Today’s society has an unfortunate outlook – survival mode. It’s all about “my piece of pie” as if there isn’t enough for everyone to go around. Plus, there’s immense disregard for future generations simply because “one doesn’t live forever, so why should I care what happens 100 years from now.”

I don’t know if Millennials are truly a sensitive generation capable of seeing the racial disparity, an immigration issue, LGBTQIA discrimination, ageism, ableism, a flawed legal system, prison and military industrial complexes, an oligarchy regime, and now a fascist regime. Or that we thankfully live in a time where brilliant minds are capable of sharing their thoughts and research using today’s social media platforms.

Whatever the case, it’s true that Millennials and younger peoples do reject typical values seen in previous age groups: religion, marriage, having children, corporate cultures, etc. Seeing our parents struggle, having to adapt to vast changes in technology, and wanting better for ourselves and children, we developed new ways of being a member to society. Using the tools developed – Hell, developing the tools really – we’ve been able to change the world.

Change can be very scary, especially in a time when everyone feels attacked.

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Laganja Estranja on Season 6 of RuPaul’s Drag Race – Untucked

Amusingly, the above gif (I say Jif because that’s how you fucking say it) shows a Millennial crying out, displaying behavior typically attributed to my generation. However, a lot of the older generations are the one being “snowflakes”:

  • “ALL LIVES MATTER – but I’m not going to ever show up to protest anyone’s death.”
  • “Women are objects. Grab ’em by the pussy.”
  • “I should be allowed to discriminate against faggots without any loss of business due to my religious beliefs. Baking a cake/selling a bouquet should only be for straight people.”
  • “My right to free speech is being infringed upon because people are calling me a Nazi, even though I prescribe to Nazi ideology. The very ideology that built a regime that eradicated any sense of ‘free speech’.”
  • “Why should I have to press ‘1’ for English? This is America, even though it was built on the backs of people of color who spoke different languages.”

At the end of the day, Millennials are the next generation in line. Yes, there’s growing up to be done, but that’s in every generation. Why attack someone instead of mentor to help integrate them?

I cannot guarantee that we’ll continue being the most progressive as we age. There’s already things in people younger that I would rather strangle than nurture. But I also know how it feels to be discriminated against due to the year I was born. I will try my best not to do the same to them as it was done to me.

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Don’t waste that shit.

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Why am I such a coward?

(Originally, I used the word “pussy” before I realized pussies are actually quite powerful pieces of anatomy. Also, the word is misogynistic. Personally, I don’t want to see “pussy” used as an insult any longer; it should be a term of one’s bravery and courage. How about we make a campaign to reclaim pussy? The same that was done with CUNT.)

What do the shadows of my mind have to hold against me? It’s like blackmail to keep me imprisoned.

What am I so scared of?

Failure? Success? Accountability?

Is it the depression? Is it the jaded bitterness in me?

I. Don’t. Know. Anymore.

(I’ve sat at the computer staring at the monitor wondering what the fuck should I say for the past 20 minutes.)

It’s a fear of Death.

I kept worrying about wasting time towards something I have no control over, other than the material I produce. But I have no control over the popularity, over whether I’ll be successful, or if it will be all for naught.

What if I spend my entire life going down one path and I regret it all?

I used to say I never held any regret because I didn’t want to be one of those people who lived a life of regret. But there’s a lot of regret. I fucked up a lot. I ignored advice and I wasted so much time.

The entire photo above tells me to ignore that fear, ignore the regret, and do the things I know that will make me happy.

It’s time to enjoy life and “[not] waste that shit.”

The Way the World Works Sucks

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I hate the way the world works. I have ever since I was a child.

I grew up different because I was overweight. People pointed, laughed, teased, and physically hurt me for being fat. I used to hate hearing that word: FAT. They’d use it as an insult instead of a descriptor. I wasn’t anything else in their eyes except a fat blob with no personality and/or no feelings.

This mostly all happened in school. Some teachers and school staff stood up for me. Others ignored the taunts and tried to refocus the class without saying anything. A few placed blame on me: “They wouldn’t treat you so bad if you’d lose a little weight.”

Instead of working on why we segregate ourselves from people who are different, we blame the victim for looking/being different.

As an adult, this type of behavior continues.

Instead of accepting these differences, I’m told the world works a certain way and either I work with it to succeed or I accept I cannot/will not be successful. People claim it’s easier for us to be a cog in the machine rather than recreate the machine to work for us.

Recently, I’ve been questioning my position at my work place. I worry we aren’t working towards the greater good when dealing with certain clients. Are we doing this to help our clients or to make money? The typical answer from most people is “both”. My biggest issue being that we focus more on making money via scummy sales tactics and company policies rather than assisting a client with our product and receiving money for our exceptional services.

I did what I thought was the “grown-up thing” to do: I told my boss about my feelings. Instead of letting these problems fester and embitter me, I told my supervisor how I felt in hopes of receiving advice. She gave me advice, and I felt better. I understood now how to “accept the bad with the good.”

Then, a position opened within the department, what would be considered a promotion for me. I threw my hat into the ring believing I had learned and proved myself in a short amount of time. When I approached my supervisor about the idea, she responded: “I don’t think you’re ready.” Not completely insulted, I asked why she thought so, and she said it was “due to what we discussed the other day.”

A 5-year study found that rich people avoid one type of person: pessimists. Am I pessimistic for airing my grievances to my supervisor behind closed doors? Did I appear to have a negative attitude because I want to hold my place of business to a higher standard than a money-making machine?

No matter the answer, I feel that because I used the open-door policy of my company to help excel at my job I’m being punished.

I see a growing trend in those who are successful – other than avoiding pessimists – they’re also assholes. They care not about the well-beings for others or the repercussions of their actions that could affect others.

Politicians are a fantastic example.

Our current political system appears filled with corruption and scandal. Whether you choose between Republican or Democrat, they both work for corporations who line the pockets of representatives in order to pass legislature which allows said owners (the 1%) of staying rich, while leaving little for the middle-to-low classes. Even when we have a “fringe” candidate trying to run for office (ex: Bernie Sanders) to change the status quo, it’s incredibly hard to fight a rigged system using the system’s rules; and the moment someone highlights that fact they’re seen as whiny, lazy crybabies, which is used to discredit their argument.

So, how do you win? Do you swallow your pride and pull yourself up by the proverbial bootstraps by conforming?

Some of the most profound people refused to conform: our forefathers for example. Inventors. Philosophers. Artists. Scientists. By refusing to look through a set-up frame, these people wanted to see the bigger picture. They defied their elders, their peers, and even the law in order to explore and help build a brighter future and a better world for their descendants.

I feel less and less in-touch with society today because I’ve never been like everyone else. I am gay, overweight, feminine, rebellious, honest, upfront, kind, a team player, etc. Because of all these factors, I do not do well in typical situations. I do not conform. I stick out like a sore thumb, and people love picking at things which look out of place.

I believe this fuels my depression. My entire life I’ve felt like an outsider looking in, never really connecting or feeling connected to others. It’s a lonely journey.

Maybe I’m going through a typical life crisis for my age. Am I to continue forward on a path that everyone else treads? Or am I to take the path less traveled? Everyone eventually finds their way. I don’t know what mine may be for now, but I could be looking at it all wrong.

What if I’m not meant to tread any path? Instead, what if I’m meant for the sky?