These colors don’t run.

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There is a certain enthusiasm in liberty, that makes human nature rise above itself, in acts of bravery and heroism.
– Alexander Hamilton

Disclaimer: I cannot tell you what is right nor what is wrong.  This blog post will go over what I believe we must do in order to protect ourselves and the future LGBTQIA generations. However, only you know what you can and cannot do. After all, you must first take care of yourself before you can assist others. So, please do not take this a personal assault or that you are weak simply because you cannot do what is being asked. You are strong. You are loved. You are enough.

I did not vote for Hillary. I did not vote for Trump. I voted Jill Stein.

I knew Jill had very little ability to win, but I was tired of voting for the lesser, especially since I did not consider Hillary to be a lesser evil. Simply the same evil we’ve had in the White House since Reagan.

Either way, I knew, no matter the head of the administration, it would be a fight.

With Hillary, it would’ve been trying to pull our government free from the grips of corporatocracy and/or oligarchy. We would’ve remained in war with countries we have no business being in war with and possibly starting more wars. Meanwhile, the degeneration of the Middle Class would’ve continued as well.

With Trump, it’s the situation we have now: fight every piece of legislation he’s pushing out as Executive Orders while fighting to protect the Media, refugees, Muslims, LGBTQIA, women, and so forth.

Many will argue that I made a poor choice, that Hillary, though flawed, would’ve been a better choice. I disagree. She would’ve continued the status quo while Democrats voted Blue and Republicans voted Red. We need to round up the masses, get them out of their seats, and force them to hold the government accountable.

Of course, this ideology can be threatening. In fact, it’s caused a backlash on the rights of LGBTQIA peoples, as well as many other minorities and special interest groups. Muslims have taken the hardest brunt of the administration’s power. However, I cannot comment on the atrocities of what’s happening with Muslims or women, but I can speak to what I believe the LGBTQIA peoples as a whole must do now.

I know many people, most friends, willing to leave the country in fear of their lives. I understand. I wish it didn’t come to this, but this was always a possibility with our government. Even in the hands of a Democratic administration. President Clinton, after all, instituted both DOMA (Defense of Marriage Act) and DADT (Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell). The arguments can be made these were poor choices made with inferior information, but it happened nonetheless. By people claiming to be our allies. So, there was a chance we may have needed to flee in previous administrations or future Democratic administrations.

However, it’s happening under Trump, and I can respect the anger and emotion felt across the country. Hell, I feel it. I can not vote for Hillary and still be pissed at the Trump Presidency.

I know many people want to go into hiding or run away. You either fight or fly. It’s an internal, biological human condition, right?

I’m asking, begging, pleading you try to talk yourself out of flying. After all, if it weren’t for “Friends of Dorothy” going against the idea of normalcy in society, if it wasn’t for the Transgender Females of Color who threw the first brick and fought police during Stonewall, if it wasn’t for the men and women going to the Supreme Court to fight for Equal Rights for LGBTQIA, we wouldn’t be where we are today. We wouldn’t have the rights and respect we have today or the clout to push for more.

It’s a scary thing to ask. I am a naturally rebellious person, so it’s built in my figurative DNA. But if more people can stand up, amass together, and stop the destruction of Equal Rights for all peoples, the stronger the possibility we can win.

However, if you cannot, I will not judge you. I will not call you out. I will not hold it against you. (As I shouldn’t anyway; nor do I have the right to.) I will wish you the best of luck on your journey, and I ask that you wish me, and your brothers and sisters, the best of luck in our fight.

For those who cannot leave or fight, please know I am here for you. I am fighting for you, for all of us. Stay strong. Surround yourself with loving people. Ignore the ignorant (I know, easier said than done). Take care of yourself. Hopefully, this ridiculousness will not last long.

Lastly, if you want to join the fight, look for local group gatherings. Donate to Progressive movements and candidates. Share information. I highly suggest leaving one’s house and going to at least one protest, especially when it will really count.

If you have other thoughts, feelings, opinions, complaints, please feel free to comment, write a counter post, Tweet me, or stalk me on Facebook.

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Don’t waste that shit.

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Why am I such a coward?

(Originally, I used the word “pussy” before I realized pussies are actually quite powerful pieces of anatomy. Also, the word is misogynistic. Personally, I don’t want to see “pussy” used as an insult any longer; it should be a term of one’s bravery and courage. How about we make a campaign to reclaim pussy? The same that was done with CUNT.)

What do the shadows of my mind have to hold against me? It’s like blackmail to keep me imprisoned.

What am I so scared of?

Failure? Success? Accountability?

Is it the depression? Is it the jaded bitterness in me?

I. Don’t. Know. Anymore.

(I’ve sat at the computer staring at the monitor wondering what the fuck should I say for the past 20 minutes.)

It’s a fear of Death.

I kept worrying about wasting time towards something I have no control over, other than the material I produce. But I have no control over the popularity, over whether I’ll be successful, or if it will be all for naught.

What if I spend my entire life going down one path and I regret it all?

I used to say I never held any regret because I didn’t want to be one of those people who lived a life of regret. But there’s a lot of regret. I fucked up a lot. I ignored advice and I wasted so much time.

The entire photo above tells me to ignore that fear, ignore the regret, and do the things I know that will make me happy.

It’s time to enjoy life and “[not] waste that shit.”

The Way the World Works Sucks

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I hate the way the world works. I have ever since I was a child.

I grew up different because I was overweight. People pointed, laughed, teased, and physically hurt me for being fat. I used to hate hearing that word: FAT. They’d use it as an insult instead of a descriptor. I wasn’t anything else in their eyes except a fat blob with no personality and/or no feelings.

This mostly all happened in school. Some teachers and school staff stood up for me. Others ignored the taunts and tried to refocus the class without saying anything. A few placed blame on me: “They wouldn’t treat you so bad if you’d lose a little weight.”

Instead of working on why we segregate ourselves from people who are different, we blame the victim for looking/being different.

As an adult, this type of behavior continues.

Instead of accepting these differences, I’m told the world works a certain way and either I work with it to succeed or I accept I cannot/will not be successful. People claim it’s easier for us to be a cog in the machine rather than recreate the machine to work for us.

Recently, I’ve been questioning my position at my work place. I worry we aren’t working towards the greater good when dealing with certain clients. Are we doing this to help our clients or to make money? The typical answer from most people is “both”. My biggest issue being that we focus more on making money via scummy sales tactics and company policies rather than assisting a client with our product and receiving money for our exceptional services.

I did what I thought was the “grown-up thing” to do: I told my boss about my feelings. Instead of letting these problems fester and embitter me, I told my supervisor how I felt in hopes of receiving advice. She gave me advice, and I felt better. I understood now how to “accept the bad with the good.”

Then, a position opened within the department, what would be considered a promotion for me. I threw my hat into the ring believing I had learned and proved myself in a short amount of time. When I approached my supervisor about the idea, she responded: “I don’t think you’re ready.” Not completely insulted, I asked why she thought so, and she said it was “due to what we discussed the other day.”

A 5-year study found that rich people avoid one type of person: pessimists. Am I pessimistic for airing my grievances to my supervisor behind closed doors? Did I appear to have a negative attitude because I want to hold my place of business to a higher standard than a money-making machine?

No matter the answer, I feel that because I used the open-door policy of my company to help excel at my job I’m being punished.

I see a growing trend in those who are successful – other than avoiding pessimists – they’re also assholes. They care not about the well-beings for others or the repercussions of their actions that could affect others.

Politicians are a fantastic example.

Our current political system appears filled with corruption and scandal. Whether you choose between Republican or Democrat, they both work for corporations who line the pockets of representatives in order to pass legislature which allows said owners (the 1%) of staying rich, while leaving little for the middle-to-low classes. Even when we have a “fringe” candidate trying to run for office (ex: Bernie Sanders) to change the status quo, it’s incredibly hard to fight a rigged system using the system’s rules; and the moment someone highlights that fact they’re seen as whiny, lazy crybabies, which is used to discredit their argument.

So, how do you win? Do you swallow your pride and pull yourself up by the proverbial bootstraps by conforming?

Some of the most profound people refused to conform: our forefathers for example. Inventors. Philosophers. Artists. Scientists. By refusing to look through a set-up frame, these people wanted to see the bigger picture. They defied their elders, their peers, and even the law in order to explore and help build a brighter future and a better world for their descendants.

I feel less and less in-touch with society today because I’ve never been like everyone else. I am gay, overweight, feminine, rebellious, honest, upfront, kind, a team player, etc. Because of all these factors, I do not do well in typical situations. I do not conform. I stick out like a sore thumb, and people love picking at things which look out of place.

I believe this fuels my depression. My entire life I’ve felt like an outsider looking in, never really connecting or feeling connected to others. It’s a lonely journey.

Maybe I’m going through a typical life crisis for my age. Am I to continue forward on a path that everyone else treads? Or am I to take the path less traveled? Everyone eventually finds their way. I don’t know what mine may be for now, but I could be looking at it all wrong.

What if I’m not meant to tread any path? Instead, what if I’m meant for the sky?