These colors don’t run.

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There is a certain enthusiasm in liberty, that makes human nature rise above itself, in acts of bravery and heroism.
– Alexander Hamilton

Disclaimer: I cannot tell you what is right nor what is wrong.  This blog post will go over what I believe we must do in order to protect ourselves and the future LGBTQIA generations. However, only you know what you can and cannot do. After all, you must first take care of yourself before you can assist others. So, please do not take this a personal assault or that you are weak simply because you cannot do what is being asked. You are strong. You are loved. You are enough.

I did not vote for Hillary. I did not vote for Trump. I voted Jill Stein.

I knew Jill had very little ability to win, but I was tired of voting for the lesser, especially since I did not consider Hillary to be a lesser evil. Simply the same evil we’ve had in the White House since Reagan.

Either way, I knew, no matter the head of the administration, it would be a fight.

With Hillary, it would’ve been trying to pull our government free from the grips of corporatocracy and/or oligarchy. We would’ve remained in war with countries we have no business being in war with and possibly starting more wars. Meanwhile, the degeneration of the Middle Class would’ve continued as well.

With Trump, it’s the situation we have now: fight every piece of legislation he’s pushing out as Executive Orders while fighting to protect the Media, refugees, Muslims, LGBTQIA, women, and so forth.

Many will argue that I made a poor choice, that Hillary, though flawed, would’ve been a better choice. I disagree. She would’ve continued the status quo while Democrats voted Blue and Republicans voted Red. We need to round up the masses, get them out of their seats, and force them to hold the government accountable.

Of course, this ideology can be threatening. In fact, it’s caused a backlash on the rights of LGBTQIA peoples, as well as many other minorities and special interest groups. Muslims have taken the hardest brunt of the administration’s power. However, I cannot comment on the atrocities of what’s happening with Muslims or women, but I can speak to what I believe the LGBTQIA peoples as a whole must do now.

I know many people, most friends, willing to leave the country in fear of their lives. I understand. I wish it didn’t come to this, but this was always a possibility with our government. Even in the hands of a Democratic administration. President Clinton, after all, instituted both DOMA (Defense of Marriage Act) and DADT (Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell). The arguments can be made these were poor choices made with inferior information, but it happened nonetheless. By people claiming to be our allies. So, there was a chance we may have needed to flee in previous administrations or future Democratic administrations.

However, it’s happening under Trump, and I can respect the anger and emotion felt across the country. Hell, I feel it. I can not vote for Hillary and still be pissed at the Trump Presidency.

I know many people want to go into hiding or run away. You either fight or fly. It’s an internal, biological human condition, right?

I’m asking, begging, pleading you try to talk yourself out of flying. After all, if it weren’t for “Friends of Dorothy” going against the idea of normalcy in society, if it wasn’t for the Transgender Females of Color who threw the first brick and fought police during Stonewall, if it wasn’t for the men and women going to the Supreme Court to fight for Equal Rights for LGBTQIA, we wouldn’t be where we are today. We wouldn’t have the rights and respect we have today or the clout to push for more.

It’s a scary thing to ask. I am a naturally rebellious person, so it’s built in my figurative DNA. But if more people can stand up, amass together, and stop the destruction of Equal Rights for all peoples, the stronger the possibility we can win.

However, if you cannot, I will not judge you. I will not call you out. I will not hold it against you. (As I shouldn’t anyway; nor do I have the right to.) I will wish you the best of luck on your journey, and I ask that you wish me, and your brothers and sisters, the best of luck in our fight.

For those who cannot leave or fight, please know I am here for you. I am fighting for you, for all of us. Stay strong. Surround yourself with loving people. Ignore the ignorant (I know, easier said than done). Take care of yourself. Hopefully, this ridiculousness will not last long.

Lastly, if you want to join the fight, look for local group gatherings. Donate to Progressive movements and candidates. Share information. I highly suggest leaving one’s house and going to at least one protest, especially when it will really count.

If you have other thoughts, feelings, opinions, complaints, please feel free to comment, write a counter post, Tweet me, or stalk me on Facebook.

Don’t waste that shit.

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Why am I such a coward?

(Originally, I used the word “pussy” before I realized pussies are actually quite powerful pieces of anatomy. Also, the word is misogynistic. Personally, I don’t want to see “pussy” used as an insult any longer; it should be a term of one’s bravery and courage. How about we make a campaign to reclaim pussy? The same that was done with CUNT.)

What do the shadows of my mind have to hold against me? It’s like blackmail to keep me imprisoned.

What am I so scared of?

Failure? Success? Accountability?

Is it the depression? Is it the jaded bitterness in me?

I. Don’t. Know. Anymore.

(I’ve sat at the computer staring at the monitor wondering what the fuck should I say for the past 20 minutes.)

It’s a fear of Death.

I kept worrying about wasting time towards something I have no control over, other than the material I produce. But I have no control over the popularity, over whether I’ll be successful, or if it will be all for naught.

What if I spend my entire life going down one path and I regret it all?

I used to say I never held any regret because I didn’t want to be one of those people who lived a life of regret. But there’s a lot of regret. I fucked up a lot. I ignored advice and I wasted so much time.

The entire photo above tells me to ignore that fear, ignore the regret, and do the things I know that will make me happy.

It’s time to enjoy life and “[not] waste that shit.”

Love sets all free.

This is my boyfriend and me.

This is my boyfriend and me.

My title might sound cliche, but I’ve never felt freer than when I gave in.

See, I’ve been single for 4+ years, and I only found intimacy when it came to being promiscuous because I feared being hurt. I tried finding love in all the wrong places, so I let it be.

Then, I met Him. No, not Jesus. He’s a capital H-i-m because he saved me in a way.

I was drowning in self-pity and sorrow, kept getting in my own way no matter how hard I worked. The self-saboteur kept winning.

But Joshua helped me. He came at a time unexpected, and I feared giving in. He was so nice, gentle, sweet, but he had a roughness to him in all the right ways. It wasn’t hard falling head over heels.

Still, I hesitated.

After talking with my friend, also ex, Ritchie, he asked why I couldn’t allow myself to feel loved. The first thing which came to my mind was that I wasn’t good enough for love. How could I be? Everyone in my life abandoned me, turned from me, insulted me, broke me. To me, the common denominator was me. And if everyone treated me badly, then doesn’t it make sense to think that I am rotten?

A rotten fruit plucked too soon from the Tree of Life.

Joshua didn’t treat me that way.

He rushed into the “L” word, and that’s why I pulled back.

But after my talk with Ritchie, I knew I needed to give in, for once in my life, and let go.

Since then, I have been incredibly happy with Joshua. He’s made me laugh; made me feel beautiful; made me feel like I could be anything.

I am free in many ways, especially with my heart, but I know there’s still something dark within me. Though I am free in love, I am still a prisoner in my mind. I have much to figure out and I will have to face my shadow-self.

At least, I won’t have to do it alone.