Generation Why?

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Millennials get a bad wrap.

It isn’t unusual for younger generations to receive flack for being the new and up-and-coming age group. There’s blame, victimization, anger, confusion, and a whole lot of “shaking one’s fist in the air and yelling ‘Get off my lawn’.” An argument could be made as to why: older people become more settled in their ways and hate change; the evolution of technology makes it difficult to keep up; there’s possibly envy and jealousy; or maybe it’s a combination of all the above.

When I was younger, I remember hearing my grandparents complain about music tastes, manners, and general laziness in “today’s youth.” Since I’ve gotten older (I’ll be turning the big 3-0 this year), I’ve noticed the taunting becoming more severe, and the graphic above epitomizes almost every single issue.

Today’s society has an unfortunate outlook – survival mode. It’s all about “my piece of pie” as if there isn’t enough for everyone to go around. Plus, there’s immense disregard for future generations simply because “one doesn’t live forever, so why should I care what happens 100 years from now.”

I don’t know if Millennials are truly a sensitive generation capable of seeing the racial disparity, an immigration issue, LGBTQIA discrimination, ageism, ableism, a flawed legal system, prison and military industrial complexes, an oligarchy regime, and now a fascist regime. Or that we thankfully live in a time where brilliant minds are capable of sharing their thoughts and research using today’s social media platforms.

Whatever the case, it’s true that Millennials and younger peoples do reject typical values seen in previous age groups: religion, marriage, having children, corporate cultures, etc. Seeing our parents struggle, having to adapt to vast changes in technology, and wanting better for ourselves and children, we developed new ways of being a member to society. Using the tools developed – Hell, developing the tools really – we’ve been able to change the world.

Change can be very scary, especially in a time when everyone feels attacked.

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Laganja Estranja on Season 6 of RuPaul’s Drag Race – Untucked

Amusingly, the above gif (I say Jif because that’s how you fucking say it) shows a Millennial crying out, displaying behavior typically attributed to my generation. However, a lot of the older generations are the one being “snowflakes”:

  • “ALL LIVES MATTER – but I’m not going to ever show up to protest anyone’s death.”
  • “Women are objects. Grab ’em by the pussy.”
  • “I should be allowed to discriminate against faggots without any loss of business due to my religious beliefs. Baking a cake/selling a bouquet should only be for straight people.”
  • “My right to free speech is being infringed upon because people are calling me a Nazi, even though I prescribe to Nazi ideology. The very ideology that built a regime that eradicated any sense of ‘free speech’.”
  • “Why should I have to press ‘1’ for English? This is America, even though it was built on the backs of people of color who spoke different languages.”

At the end of the day, Millennials are the next generation in line. Yes, there’s growing up to be done, but that’s in every generation. Why attack someone instead of mentor to help integrate them?

I cannot guarantee that we’ll continue being the most progressive as we age. There’s already things in people younger that I would rather strangle than nurture. But I also know how it feels to be discriminated against due to the year I was born. I will try my best not to do the same to them as it was done to me.

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Don’t waste that shit.

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Why am I such a coward?

(Originally, I used the word “pussy” before I realized pussies are actually quite powerful pieces of anatomy. Also, the word is misogynistic. Personally, I don’t want to see “pussy” used as an insult any longer; it should be a term of one’s bravery and courage. How about we make a campaign to reclaim pussy? The same that was done with CUNT.)

What do the shadows of my mind have to hold against me? It’s like blackmail to keep me imprisoned.

What am I so scared of?

Failure? Success? Accountability?

Is it the depression? Is it the jaded bitterness in me?

I. Don’t. Know. Anymore.

(I’ve sat at the computer staring at the monitor wondering what the fuck should I say for the past 20 minutes.)

It’s a fear of Death.

I kept worrying about wasting time towards something I have no control over, other than the material I produce. But I have no control over the popularity, over whether I’ll be successful, or if it will be all for naught.

What if I spend my entire life going down one path and I regret it all?

I used to say I never held any regret because I didn’t want to be one of those people who lived a life of regret. But there’s a lot of regret. I fucked up a lot. I ignored advice and I wasted so much time.

The entire photo above tells me to ignore that fear, ignore the regret, and do the things I know that will make me happy.

It’s time to enjoy life and “[not] waste that shit.”

Why I Write

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Big shout out to Kourtney Heintz for inspiring this post.

I write because I enjoy telling stories. Sitting at a restaurant with my best friend or meeting new people at a bar, I enjoy not only entertaining people with funny or interesting anecdotes, but I am also intrigued by the physical/emotional/mental cues given during the interaction.

Also, as a Leo, I crave the attention.

To be honest, if I go back far enough, I admit I started writing because I enjoyed telling stories as a child. It was done out of necessity for attention. Thanks to issues of abandonment, I found I could pull people in if I had an interesting story.

Of course, it took years to master a tale. People became antsy or annoyed if I took too long or over-explained everything. It had to be believable; no jumping-the-shark moments or I ruined their suspension of disbelief. Lastly, it needed to sound like I knew what I was saying. If I just babbled on without a coherent string of thoughts, people weren’t interested in listening.

While the skill grew out of an unfortunate circumstance, it provided me a way to cope. Granted, I have used the skill for evil: what are lies if not stories? Combine my wholesome, innocent outside appearance with a believable, well-told story, I was able to weasel my way almost out of anything. Since then, I’ve learned to use my powers for good, and I have been capable of overcoming some deeply-rooted psychological inner-demons by pouring them out here on this blog or in a story.

Unlike Kourtney, who wanted to disappear by diving into her story, I wrote to be heard because I thought nobody saw me. I didn’t think I mattered, and I was scared of being forgotten. I’m sure psychologically, in my subconscious, that’s why I write now.

But I feel like I write for more than attention now.

Growing up, I couldn’t find books about stories I wanted to read. Stories set in Urban Fantasy, Horror, Sci-Fi, or even Realistic Fiction genres filled with LGBTQIA characters, especially overweight LGBTQIA characters. I tell my story, talk about my life and experiences, by inserting tidbits into numerous tales. Hopefully, by producing work I wish I could have found growing up, people won’t have to go through feeling abandoned or unseen.

That’s my goal now.