Why I Write

Why-I-write

Big shout out to Kourtney Heintz for inspiring this post.

I write because I enjoy telling stories. Sitting at a restaurant with my best friend or meeting new people at a bar, I enjoy not only entertaining people with funny or interesting anecdotes, but I am also intrigued by the physical/emotional/mental cues given during the interaction.

Also, as a Leo, I crave the attention.

To be honest, if I go back far enough, I admit I started writing because I enjoyed telling stories as a child. It was done out of necessity for attention. Thanks to issues of abandonment, I found I could pull people in if I had an interesting story.

Of course, it took years to master a tale. People became antsy or annoyed if I took too long or over-explained everything. It had to be believable; no jumping-the-shark moments or I ruined their suspension of disbelief. Lastly, it needed to sound like I knew what I was saying. If I just babbled on without a coherent string of thoughts, people weren’t interested in listening.

While the skill grew out of an unfortunate circumstance, it provided me a way to cope. Granted, I have used the skill for evil: what are lies if not stories? Combine my wholesome, innocent outside appearance with a believable, well-told story, I was able to weasel my way almost out of anything. Since then, I’ve learned to use my powers for good, and I have been capable of overcoming some deeply-rooted psychological inner-demons by pouring them out here on this blog or in a story.

Unlike Kourtney, who wanted to disappear by diving into her story, I wrote to be heard because I thought nobody saw me. I didn’t think I mattered, and I was scared of being forgotten. I’m sure psychologically, in my subconscious, that’s why I write now.

But I feel like I write for more than attention now.

Growing up, I couldn’t find books about stories I wanted to read. Stories set in Urban Fantasy, Horror, Sci-Fi, or even Realistic Fiction genres filled with LGBTQIA characters, especially overweight LGBTQIA characters. I tell my story, talk about my life and experiences, by inserting tidbits into numerous tales. Hopefully, by producing work I wish I could have found growing up, people won’t have to go through feeling abandoned or unseen.

That’s my goal now.

 

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