I’m so fucked-up that my subconscious is messing with me. I had an incredibly vivid dream the other night that I thought was real.
To preface the dream, I have been dealing with some existential life questions about my place of work: is this the place for me? Am I doing what I want to be doing? Do people like me here? Can I accomplish the things I want if I stay? Things of that nature.
I dreamt I arrived at work a little late, something I’d been doing these past few weeks due to – I’m not entirely sure – stress and/or depression in life. No matter how much I sleep, I am too tired to jump out of bed to get ready for work. At my desk, my supervisor and a co-worker appeared behind me.
My supervisor said, “MadGayMan, you need to get your shit together.”
Taken aback, I told her about dealing with stress of living on my own (as this is my second time I’ve lived in my own apartment, but first time I’m truly doing this on my own without any support), my gambling addiction, disliking myself, etc.
My co-worker responded with, “I have a lot going on too, but I show up to work.”
Angry, I gathered my things and told them both to “Fuck off.”
Walking out into the hallway towards the exit, I saw we were conducting a tour for some future colleagues. I looked to each of them and I told them, “Don’t you dare do business with these people.”
As I continued towards the exit, the President of the company yelled, “Fuck you.”
I turned and yelled back “Fuck you too”. He continued with “You’re an asshole.” So, I shook my head and responded with, “You can eat my asshole” and I walked out happy about my over-dramatic exit.
At home, I received a phone call from a different co-worker asking what happened. While I told her the tale, I realized my car had been stolen, so I had to steal a car down the block in order for me to buy me something to eat my feelings.
I woke up shortly after thanks to my alarm clock, but the realization that it had all been a dream and I still had to go to work hit me. It was a letdown and a blessing. But I was most upset that my trip to Popeye’s hadn’t actually happened.