Thanks to Ralph Waldo Emerson I’m not a drunk

“Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could. Some blunders and absurdities no doubt crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day. You shall begin it serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense.”

Ralph Waldo Emerson had something going there. After all, how can we move forward when we’re so focused on looking back?

Arguments could be made that we must study history in order to keep from repeating it. Knowing history and obsessing over it are two entirely different concepts. We can know our mistakes, learn from them, and move on. But when we continue to berate ourselves with our worst moments, how can we ever possibly forgive ourselves and be loving towards our inner beings again?

I am the king of self-hatred. It’s become second-nature, and I worry I’ve made it into an art form. My guilt has seeped into my dreams and made my subconscious my own worst enemy. I wake up feeling defeated instead of “too high a spirit”.

So, how do I overcome my most critical self?

My mind goes immediately to alcohol.

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Talk about high spirits, eh? Eh?

But I’ve never been one to enjoy the bottle.

I keep thinking I’d be able to accomplish more if I didn’t carry the burden of my own self-doubt and self-hatred. My friends and family keep telling me I am a great person, that I’m doing the very best I can. So, what do you do with that when you feel like you aren’t doing enough?

I have to put it away.

If I keep focusing on how much I’m not doing, how am I ever going to be able to concentrate on what I am/want to be doing? There’s only so much energy each day.

I need to make sure I use what I have to its fullest potential. And if I don’t, I have to accept the day is over and to move on. I can’t reverse time and try again. I did the best I could with today.

So, go to fucking sleep, and stop blaming yourself for being human.

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