Just say no to 6AM hook-ups

This is not gonna be good

This is not gonna end well

Today’s a high day. I feel decent, complete, enough, and accomplished, even though it started off with a horrible attempt at an early morning hookup.

At six o’clock in the morning, I was pounding away at my dick, really getting into some porn (this time I tried out puppy play, a new kink I’m quite interested in), and I get a message from a guy on Growlr (Grindr for bears!). We exchange greetings and he asks quite bluntly if I’m horny. I tell him yes I’m very horny before asking about him. He, too, has an itch to scratch. Without much thought, I give him my address and he hurries over without much issue.

Upon first meeting, he’s too feminine. I am not against feminine guys – being feminine myself – but it made my boner go soft. He comes in with that awkward silence. I can tell he wants me to take control, and while I am wearing my “top hat” (imagine a pink-glittered cap sitting atop my head with a monocle in my eye), I am not interested in being overtly dominant.

We start off by kissing, which wasn’t terrible, but it immediately ends with me and him naked, him on his knees giving me an okay blowjob, and me wishing for more foreplay.

I ask what all he wants to do. He said it’s up to me, but I want him to help come up with a decision due to very little sleep and patience this early morning. His bio said he was a “boy” and “bottom”, so I ask if he wants to do anal. He asks if I have a condom, and thanks to the free self-serve bucket at the Dennis R Neill Equality Center, I found a couple I grabbed when I last visited. Combined with my aptly-timed purchase of new lubricant, we were well on our way to pound town.

Unfortunately, things did not happen as easily and quickly as I would’ve liked. As an overweight guy with an average-sized dick, it was difficult getting it into his hole and staying hard simultaneously. When I did manage to enter him, and he seemed pleased by the results that followed, my knees declared emancipation from the position I was in and gave out underneath me, thus causing me to pull out.

A sweaty hot mess, I waved the white flag in the war we call love – or love making – and I told him I’d give him a blowjob to get him off, but that I was calling it quits. He finished on my newly acquired beard, which was hot, and he immediately dressed and left.

I used the hot imagery of him cumming on my beard as the means to get off, but it wasn’t as satisfactory as I would’ve liked blowing inside him (protected, of course). Then, I passed out and slept for 4 hours before waking up thanks to my very confused mental state.

Although things didn’t go according to plan, I felt like a human for the first time in a long while. Will I do it again? Only with someone I know who will satisfy me sexually. But at least I can say I got laid, even if it was the worst lay in the world.

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