WARNING: I will be explicitly talking about anal sex. And poop. You’ve been warned!
If you didn’t know, I’m gay.
As a gay man, I’m what we call a ‘bottom’. This means I like ‘tops’ to insert their penis into my bum. But poop comes out of my bum. And in case you’re not following the path of breadcrumbs I’m dropping, I have to be clean when said top inserts himself inside me or he gets poop on his dick.
Sounds yummy, doesn’t it?
No, no it doesn’t.
So, what I do is clean myself before said top can… well… top me. I own a reusable enema to accomplish this purpose.
Well, I had to tell you that bit of information so I can tell you this story.
Once upon a time…
I know, it’s not a fairy tale. But it’s a fairy’s tale… about a fairy’s tail.
OK. Seriously, one night I woke up at 3:30AM to use the restroom. When I came back to bed, I found a text message waiting for me from one of my FWB (Friends With Benefits).
At first, I wasn’t feeling it. It was pre-dawn; I was going to work in a few hours; plus, I wasn’t clean.
Thirty minutes later, when I couldn’t sleep, I went back to my phone:
Can we still make this happen?
After ten minutes, we had a plan: I was going to prep myself, shower, get dressed, and head over for a pre-work sideways shuffle.
Unfortunately, my parents heard me get up and take a shower (yes, I live with my mom and dad). At the time, either my mother or myself gave my father a ride to work. Since my work was closest to his, I was designated to take him, even though I tried to explain I had to be there SUPER early.
It didn’t matter. Per my mother’s orders, of which we must obey, I was to take my dad to work.
I texted the FWB on my way to my dad’s work, telling him we had to reschedule. He told me that he’d leave his door unlocked in case I changed my mind. LIKE I HAD A CHOICE!
I dropped my dad off work and decided to head to my own place of employment. Seconds before I take a turn to get onto the highway needed to get to work, I decide to go the opposite way towards my FWB’s place.
Twenty minutes later, I get there and enter quietly. He’s asleep in his bed naked. I surprise him… with my mouth. And things developed from there.
Now, as I was continuing work with my mouth, I told him it had been awhile since I last bottomed, so I would need some help opening up. Basically, he would have to finger-fuck me and ease open my asshole.
LOOK. I am trying to make this as painless as possible for you. BUT this is a post about anal sex. SO calm thine tits.
He pulled out some lube and poured some into his hand. Next thing I know, what first started out as a dry finger barely going in, turned into a practical fist job of slippery proportions.
Despite this faux pas, we decided I should be on top.
Now, this will confuse some people. I am a bottom and he’s a top, but he wants me to be on top. Meaning he still inserted his penis into my bum, but I rode him cowboy style.
Pretty soon I got a good groove going. We’re doing our thing, enjoying our personal bed carnival.
But then he stopped. And I stopped. We both looked at each other. I’m confused. He’s a bit concerned.
“Something wrong?” I asked.
“I felt something on my balls.”
I got off. We turned to find a small puddle of enema water and lube sitting on his bed. Apparently, I queefed remnants of these two liquids out, down his shaft, over his nuts, and onto his bed.
“You shit on my bed.”
“Um, no, you fucked the shit out of me. Literally.”
We argued a bit before heading into the shower to clean off, and apparently finish.
So that’s my story about anal. Be forewarned. Don’t use too much lube and make sure you’ve emptied your bowels properly.