Amy Severson

Every time I look at her picture, I wonder if she’s unimpressed by the Internet or by the shitty camera quality that doesn’t even show half of her actual beauty!

As I said before, I came across Amy thanks to Blogdramedy and the 12 Days of Blogfestivus. The beautiful and talented Amy kept me intrigued with daily posts during the 12 day holiday-themed extravaganza. So I checked out Robot-A-Month 2012 and fell in love with her posts inspired by a Fold-Your-Own-Robot calendar. Last year’s theme? ZOMBIES! And she has some interesting ideas. Check them out now!

But what I really love about Amy and her site? RETRO FUN. Amy takes crazy retro ads from back in the day and adds inappropriate, yet amusing, captions to each photo. When I originally came across them, I fell on my ass laughing, literally. She has a knack at coming up with the right punchline.

Amy is sarcastic, savvy, and smart. Put those three together and what do you have? BRILLIANCE! I love Amy’s style, including her odd yellow and black theme for her site Fix It Or Deal, and the way she delivers quality posts filled with the right amount of humor and seriousness. She makes us bloggers look good.

Damn you're awesome...

Congratulations Amy. I hope you like it. I mean, after all, you don’t get a hot chiseled guy covered in pink glitter everyday, do you? Well, do you? Can you spare an extra if you got one?

Usually, when I use the word bitch, I’m using it to describe people. “What’s up bitches?” “How are you doing bitch?” “Bitches be crazy.” That kind of a thing. I even came up with a term for my supporters and followers: MadBitches. Okay, it isn’t very original, but I thought it would suffice.

Well, the other day, while checking out the list of my followers (which happens to be growing every day and I appreciate that more than anything!), I realized most of my audience happens to be women. Being a gay guy, I naturally thought it was my sense of being fabulous. Then, I began to wonder, “Do I use the word bitch too often?”

I'm doing it right...

Yes, this is me having guilt. Why? The word bitch is used and associated with women in most cases. As for me, I use it to refer to everyone. We’re all bitches. I’m pretty much a crazy bitch 24/7, just ask Boyfriend! But we also can be assholes… and dicks… and douche bags. So I feel like I use the word bitch because, for me, it’s an honest term of endearment that describes most people.

Still, although I have my own reason to use the word bitch, I reached out to my fellow followers and asked, “ladies, let’s discuss something… how do you feel when i use the word bitch?” Although I’m truly loved and everyone is dying to read my tweets, only two people responded. Everyone must’ve been busy…

A good friend of mine said: “I try not to get too hungup on things like that, its only words.” She does have a point, but there are some words you shouldn’t ever utter from your lips. For me, it’s the word fag or faggot. I cannot stand people using it, even if you’re from New York and you use it to refer to anyone being retarded. For some people, it’s the word retard or retarded. Then, there are racist terms, and I won’t utter those out of respect. So are they just words?

"Elmo is still fucking confused..."

Another fellow MadBitch said they would like to hear the “tone of my voice.” I remember as a child my mother telling me, “It isn’t what you say; it’s how you say it.” It’s a decent point to be made. After all, we use words to describe our everyday phenomena. As long as we say it in a nice tone, are we granted immunity from what we say?

Then, I go into my Mandala of Being frame of mind and I have to remind myself we are in control of how we react as long as we stay in the present. People can use words to hurt our feelings, but it is up to each of us whether we allow them to hurt us or not. So, are they just words? Is it simply the tone of my voice?

At the end of the day, I have to remember how I use the word. Am I trying to initiate conflict? No. Am I saying it out of negative emotions? No. Am I saying it to degrade someone? No (even when I’m upset and call someone an annoying bitch). As I said before, we’re all bitches. There are whiny bitches, annoying bitches, fun bitches, silly bitches, crazy bitches, and MadBitches…

This bitch is crazy...

If you ever feel I am degrading you, or treating anyone negatively, please come to me because I want to apologize. I wouldn’t want anyone to feel bad for something I did. I know what it’s like to feel shitty over someone’s comment or use of words. Please let me make it up to you. At the same time, I probably won’t stop using the word bitch. The word and I have a bond, a strong bond. It will probably last forever… So… you might want to unsubscribe if you have a problem. I’m just saying.

The group is known as The L Project and the song is called “It Does Get Better”. Enjoy:

The song is currently available on iTunes and Amazon. All proceeds go to two specific charities known as Diversity Role Models and Stonewall in order to combat the growing harassment children face on a daily basis.

I want to point out that all children are at risk, not just GLBT youth. Many have taken their lives for being considered gay and taunted on a daily basis. This has to stop. So even though your child might not be gay/lesbian, bisexual, or transgendered doesn’t mean they’re not in danger.

Please listen, share, and buy. Thank you!

Drive with Ryan Gosling

I remembered seeing a trailer for this enigmatic movie in theaters a few times, but I couldn’t tell you what it was about from the minute and a half preview. Instead, I wrote it off as a modern Days of Thunder (for those of you younger than me, it was a movie with Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman about NASCAR; I wish I was making it up).

Six months or so later, after the movie left theaters and became released on DVD, people started talking about the soundtrack and how much they loved the movie.

Here’s two interesting songs from the movie’s soundtrack…

Kavinsky’s NightCall (a creepy Daft Punk-esque tune)-

College’s Real Hero (an 80′s romp with a haunting female’s voice calling for a hero with feelings)-

As you can tell from the poster above and the soundtrack, this movie might take place in the 80s or have that old school feeling of being in the 80s. Unfortunately, you’ll come to find it is neither. Still, after finding out the movie was adapted from a 2005 book, I decided to give the film a try.

Ryan Gosling plays “Driver”, a mechanic/stunt man/get-away driver, working for “Shannon” (played by Bryan Cranston of Breaking Bad and Malcolm in the Middle fame) at Shannon’s car shop. Shannon sets up the jobs for Driver, both as a stuntman in movies and for the get-aways. Now, you might think this movie would be full of adrenaline-packed chase scenes. Again, you’d be mistaken. God knows I was…

Before we continue, let’s bring in the other characters of this story. First, there’s Carey Mulligan (a haunting girl who reminds me of a fairy and seems to always have short hair, known mostly for Wall Street 2) plays Irene, a lonely mother with a mixed-Latino son Benicio and a husband in prison named Standard (yes, the man’s name is Standard). Then, there’s the lovable Albert Brooks (who we remember as Marlin [Nemo's Dad] in Pixar’s Finding Nemo) and Ron Perlman as Nino. Brooks and Perlman play as best friend mobsters who bicker back and forth like husband and wife.

Perlman: "Fuck you eating chink food in my fucking restaurant?" Brooks: "What's a Jew doing running a pizzeria?"

Those are actual lines from the movie and probably the only decent scene out of the entire ninety minutes that I wasted watching it. Racism FTW.

I wanted to like this movie, I really did. I love Ryan Gosling (less for The Notebook and more for Crazy. Stupid. Love), and the 80′s feel from the posters, soundtrack, and look of the film made it appeasing to me. But it does not ring true.

Instead, Gosling plays a silent man who half-smiles at everything (even during really gritty scenes unless he’s mad of course; then he broods like a master) and works quietly without talking much to anyone except Irene, the girl next door. Thanks to Cranston’s Shannon, Driver gives Irene a ride and things start to happen. Mulligan falls for Gosling, of course, but she pretty much forgets all about him when Standard returns from prison. Then, shit gets wonky.

But thankfully not quite as wonky as this...

The movie was filled with quiet, annoying scenes where Gosling stares at someone for what seems like hours without saying anything. Then, there’s a subplot where Shannon gets Brooks’ Bernie to fund a NASCAR team, but it goes nowhere after the real plot starts more than halfway into the movie. And Brooks as a cold mobster does nothing for me. It’s too hard to really take him seriously due to his comedic background. Also, Irene acted like she never had feelings for Gosling, yet she continues to allow him around to hang. Even Standard invites the guy over KNOWING Driver is totally into Irene.

Plus, I kept expecting something really action-packed to happen, but it never came. I’m okay with subtle movies. I don’t need films packed with action, otherwise I feel congested, but this movie lacked so much: plot, lines, acting… The director did a fabulous job reminding me of Grand Theft Auto: Vice City, but the story didn’t have much to it.

If you can rent it cheap, check it out. Otherwise, stay far away from it. I still don’t see why everyone loves it. Maybe I’m jaded. Thanks Hollywood.

How do they get funding for this crap?

Book cover by Lorenz Hideyoshi Ruwwe for Joe Vasicek's e-book Desert Stars

Here’s the story. I hope you enjoy!

As the energy barrier around the city rose, like glass rising from the bottom up, Devlin gripped Nani’s hand. His jaw tightened and his brow came down in frustration. Nani glanced from beneath her hijab to see Devlin tensing. She gripped his hand in return and turned back to watch the golden-glittering city become entombed beneath the dome.

When the barrier closed around the top of the city, Nani thought it looked like the snow globe her father brought with him the last time he visited. She smiled remembering how happy he was to see her. Beneath her father’s mask, unable to see his lips or nose, she saw his eyes becoming shaped like half-moons in a smile. Then, she wondered if it wasn’t a smile after all. Maybe he was frowning. Was her father ashamed of her, like her mother? Her mother refused to come, believing Nani was cursed for being sin-filled, for loving a carrier.

Devlin noticed Nani coming down trapped inside her own thoughts, so he placed his hand on her chin and forced her to look into his eyes. He saw the tears brewing up inside and his frustrated expression changed to sadness. “I’m so sorry, Nani. I would’ve never wished this upon you.”

Nani closed her eyes and took one deep breath, calming herself before opening them again. She stared up into his impossibly blue eyes, a side effect of the virus, and smiled. She placed her scabbed hand against his cheek to help calm him and said, “I will never blame you, darling. Never. I love you, and I made my choice.”

“But you won’t see your family… ever again,” Devlin cried, kneeling in close to place his forehead against hers. “I took them away from you.” He shut his eyes as tears fell, unable to look at her out of shame.

Taking a page from Devlin’s book, Nani used her hand to force Devlin to look up into her eyes. “I have the memories. Besides, I don’t want to be near anyone who sees you, or me, as lepers. We found love and that is more than any of them can ever say.”

Does she wear her sunglasses at night like Corey Hart?

Her name: Blogdramedy. Her game: being fucking awesome.

This lovely lady was the first of many I followed when I started my blog. She welcomed me with open arms and kept me laughing with each new post. Then, I participated in the Twelve Days of Blogfestivus, in which she sponsored, and I met so many other people who participated. From that point forward, I knew I had to keep close to her in order to learn the secrets of ruling the blog universe!

Whether she’s repairing a boat with her Mister to sell, or writing about how much she loathes crocs, she keeps my interest and I am as giddy as a lesbian at Lilith Fair when she posts new content. Even when she’s too busy, and she allows people as lovely as myself to do guest posts, she allows the most ridiculous subjects: male periods and proctology appointments.

Although I don’t know much else about her, I understand her air of mystery (being incognito myself), so I feel like we’re buddies in this sense. She’s fresh, she’s enigmatic, and she’s funny. What else would you want in a woman? Other than a sandwich of course… But I dare you to try and send her to the kitchen. Just let me record the results of your bloodshed when you do.

So here's to you, Blogdramedy, a fabulous lady...

And girl, don’t forget to work.

Instead of worrying about people posting their personal opinions on a social network where adults are free to roam, you should worry about the ridiculous amounts of fake twitter accounts of fake women showing off their fake boobs and making sexual advances towards me in order to get my credit card number.

For example:

Fake bitch number 1 or should it be bitches number 1 or bitches 1 and 2?

Here’s her bio:

Dirty posh girl that loves the thought of people watching her fuck!!! oh I also blow like there’s no tomorrow lol

… followed by a link to a site trying to place a trojan horse on my computer.

But wait, there’s more!

This is @LakendraX478

And she says:

I Like To Fuck !

How original and tempting…

Lastly, there was another fake twitter account with my favorite bio line so far:

When I’m on my knees it isn’t to pray

Unfortunately, her account was suspended, so I applaud twitter for being somewhat quick. I think it had something to do with her profile having immensely obscene, pornographic photos all over the place. But these girls with their fake boobs practically popping out of their shirts are perfectly okay? Whatever…

As a gay guy, I have to wonder why there aren’t any fake men accounts. I’d much rather see this guy popping up in my Connect tab:

Yes please!

I should start a meme… Gay Guy Problems… “fake pornographic twitter account… it’s a woman… gay guy problems…”

Sincerely,

@theMadGayMan (<— shameless publicity plug for my twitter; don’t forget to follow!)

How do you describe love? Personally, it’s this nagging (in a good way) feeling in your heart that makes you think about this one person all the time. At first, it’s like a sugar rush: you get really high and you feel incredibly amazing. Then, if it ends badly, it feels like an addiction: you’re fiending  for your next fix in the middle of the night while rocking back and forth in your bed sweating your ass off and listening to horrible break up songs.

"Fuck off, Hootie! I don't want my tears to fall down like rain!"

But there’s this one kind of love. Something you feel completely secure in. You feel calm, you feel safe, you feel all those other good things that you felt at the beginning yet so much more. Trying to explain it to someone who hasn’t felt it yet, it’s hard to do. I keep telling everyone to “just wait and let it happen”, especially for people out looking for someone be with and fall in love.

Personally, it came to me when I least expected it. I wanted nothing to do with a relationship at the time, and I definitely didn’t want to move anywhere to be closer to this person. I just moved back home after trying the same thing out with another guy. But Boyfriend and I couldn’t help being in love. We couldn’t fight it off, even with firearms!

"Say 'I love you' again, mother fucker..."

Now, we’re together. We’ve been together for two and a half years. We have our ups and downs, but we’re figuring them out. We want to stay together and figure them out. It’s hard fighting against it. And some see it as an addiction still. I’ve known that feeling, that addiction; this isn’t it. The fact that we want to be together to figure it out, make it work… That, to me, is love.

As for people who may end up being single for Valentine’s Day, you are amazing, beautiful people. It doesn’t make you less; it doesn’t make you unlovable. You will find that person, if you want to be with someone (some people just like being single; and that’s okay in my book!). At the same time, cherish those moments of being with them. Also, cherish the moments of being independent because you’ll miss them sometimes.

Sigh. I wish I could take you all out on a date and just fucking ruin the world in that one night of epic-ness. Find a friend, find a family member, or just enjoy time with yourself and go see a movie/eat dinner alone or crawl up and watch something you love or read a great book at home. Who says Valentine’s Day can’t be a self-loving day?

This goes to everyone in the world (coupled, single, widowed, married, etc):

Because love makes this world bearable...

Besides, Entertainment Weekly states, “Think Buffy the Vampire Slayer starring Phillip Marlowe.” And you all know how much I love Buffy.

Book Cover

The Basics:

In the book, we meet Harry Blackstone Copperfield Dresden, a wizard with a shady past hooked into helping the Chicago Special Investigations (SI) unit solve two grisly murders. As Harry follows the trail, we learn more about the world in which Harry resides: the surface where regular humans live and the world just slightly beneath it filled with bordello-owning vampires, ghosts in skulls, and pizza-loving fairies. In the meantime, Harry deals with dating, maintaining a professional, yet close, relationship with the Lieutenant of the SI unit Karrin Murphy, staying out of a well-known mobster’s way, and more.

The Strengths:

Harry Dresden makes a great character, full of sarcasm, intrigue, and an understanding of himself. At first, he knows he’s only in this for the money, but when things start getting more interesting, he begins caring about those dying and his interests change. Harry has a somewhat dim view of the world, sometimes pessimistic and sometimes realistic. The man couldn’t be optimistic if his life depended on it. Still, at the end of the day, even when he’s simply trying to get by and take a damn shower without a summoned demon frog interrupting, he knows he holds great power. He knows what he’s capable of and he delivers, even in the eye of death.

Syfy Channel Promotional Poster -- PS. Harry's on the far left

I enjoy the fact we’re not being info-dumped everything about this secondary world treading right beneath ours. Dresden relays info to the audience when we need it. He doesn’t go deep into the rules about magic. As a book series, this works because we can learn about them in detail later. Even as an individual book, it works because the laws are set, they’re simple, and we don’t get too heavy into it. Plus, it’s refreshing to have a character already immersed in his world, unlike most YA novels (even though this is clearly not a YA novel).

The Weaknesses:

Of course, despite great strengths, there were some weaknesses. From the very beginning, we’re aware someone is using magic to kill these people. Very early on, I knew right away who the killer was and it wasn’t me jumping to conclusions. It was so incredibly obvious and I was upset by the fact that it took Dresden two-thirds of the book to realize it.

Now, let me explain a little further. We only have Dresden’s point of view to follow, so he’s telling us all the details and he can see the same evidence we see as the audience. Although I can understand someone being oblivious if you’re not a cop, Harry shows how he’s so aware of his environment in other parts of the book. He comes to conclusions pretty quick, so I found it unlike his character to take so long to figure out the killer’s identity. Plus, I found the story to be a little weak in this regard. I believe Jim should’ve worked a little harder to make us less aware of the killer’s identity, or he should’ve made the investigation to find the killer less important. Unfortunately, I felt the climatic realization fizzled.

Obvious Killer is being obvious...

Also, I could’ve done without the “my-life-is-so-hectic-and-strange-that-it’s-hard-to-date” schtick. I understand it’s a formula that works, but it’s an old formula. I would rather Jim Butcher be honest and just say, “Okay, I want Character A and Character B to get together.” Then do it! Don’t make excuses that life is too supernatural for Dresden to properly date. He’s a wizard; we’re well-aware of how he has a strange life. And the mix-up with potions was too obvious from the moment Dresden took ghost-trapped-in-a-skull Bob’s advice.

Finally, I would’ve enjoyed more time getting to know the interesting characters, such as Madame Bianca St. Claire, vampire headmistress of the Velvet Room (a bordello), or Linda Randall, a bisexual chauffeur flirting with Dresden. It seems Jim Butcher has this penchant for creating interesting characters and moving on before we get to learn about them. Meanwhile, some of the main characters, such as Warden Donald Morgan (a typical law man peon out for the protagonist’s innocent blood), falls flat (or at least overdone).

Overview:

All in all, I enjoyed Harry Dresden as a character. I loved the world, the interesting concepts, and the odd obsessions the supernatural characters had (such as Toot-Toot, a fairy who loves pizza). Jim has a great way of introducing the characters in a modern world where magic isn’t fully well-known to the public, despite the fact that Harry has a Yellow Pages ad. Even when someone like Karrin Murphy sees with her own eyes how dangerous magic can be, she doesn’t really bring it up or make reference to it. She just moves on and ignores it for her own psychological benefit.

"Magic isn't real"... as you run from the summoned demon frog...

The Verdict:

Still, those weaknesses leave me feeling weary about continuing with the series, even though I heard it gets better down the line. If I could buy the books for cheap, I would try one or two more books, but the e-book was $9.99 (the same price for the 2nd book). I feel like I received a $4.99 value and an additional $1.99 for keeping me intrigued for the few months I read through the book, but it wasn’t worth $9.99 in my honest opinion. I’m not particularly hooked at this juncture to continue purchasing these novels in hopes of it “getting better.”

Please let me know if you have any other thoughts or feelings on Jim Butcher’s Storm Front in the comments below. Happy reading!

"I must learn the enemy..." because knowledge is power!

I suddenly feel like Dr. Seuss...

A. Age: 24 years young… I’m surprised I made it this far to be completely honest. I’ve almost died so many times.

B. Bed size: Queen all to my luscious self. When Boyfriend and I live together, I think it’s going to be two Queens pushed together… Hahaha! Get it?

C. Chore that you hate: Pretty much all of them, mostly scrubbing or vacuuming things. Something about moving my arm back and forth. I think it’s because I don’t like to see the underarm jiggle. *ugh!*

D. Dogs: I love dogs. I prefer dogs to a certain degree, but I like the independence of cats. If we could somehow crossbreed these two together to make a loving, independent cog or dat, I’d be happy.

E. Essential start to your day: A shower. I need a nice, hot shower to get me moving and grooving to the music playing in my head. Just depends on the song.

F. Favorite color: Blue, every shade of blue. Used to, I hated aquamarine, but if it’s done well, it can be exquisite.

G. Gold or silver: I have to choose silver. I know, I’m a queen. I should LOVE gold, but I don’t. There’s something about silver that I absolutely love. Despite being poisonous to the body, there’s healing properties to it also.

H. Height: 5’7 or 5’8 if I’m wearing the right shoes. Boyfriend is half an inch taller. So he calls me a hobbit.

I. Instruments that you play: I used to play bass clarinet until high school band turned into a marching band. I said…

I love ecards, they always have the right thing to say...

J. Job title: Writer/Data Entry Specialist

K. Kids: None, unless you want to count butt babies… What? This is called DIARY OF A MAD GAY MAN. I guess I should put a warning somewhere. WARNING: HILARIOUS, MESSED UP SHIT AHEAD. YOU’VE BEEN WARNED, BITCHES. Is that clear enough?

L. Live: Somewhere, Ohio. Not originally from here and PROUD of it. Sorry Ohioans, I cannot deal with your ridiculousness. Thankfully, Boyfriend isn’t from here either.

M. Mother’s name: Mom… What? That’s her name to me. Besides, I am incognito, remember?

N. Nicknames: Mad…

O. Overnight hospital stays: When I had my tonsils taken out, I was five years old. I remember getting to eat ice cream and it hurt to eat it and I was so pissed off. But I also remember watching a lot of Droopy the Hound on Cartoon Network (when they only showed Hanna-Barbara and Warner Brother cartoons).

P. Pet peeves: Drivers who try to barrel ahead of me, ESPECIALLY if we’re going to the same place. I get so pissed off.

Q. Quote from a movie: ”After my divorce from Luther I scraped by with baby-sitting gigs and odd jobs – mostly the jobs we call blow. I had lost my job at the base PX, and I had lost my gag reflex. You do the math.” – Hedwig from Hedwig and the Angry Inch (the best movie in the fucking world!)

Yes, that's a man dressed as a woman... BEAUTIFUL!

R: Right or left handed: Total lefty… don’t go there, just don’t…

S: Siblings: I have four older sisters and one older brother. Yes, ladies and gentleman, that makes me the baby. Do you understand the narcissism now?

T. Travel Favorite: I absolutely love most of Florida. There are some hideous parts, sure, but the weather during the winter is FABULOUS! I also enjoy the shit out of Chicago but never during the winter.

U. Underwear: Do you really want to know? I mean, seriously? They’re black. That’s all you get.

V. Vegetable(s) you hate: I was a spoiled child who was a picky eater. I didn’t eat vegetables except for potatoes (mashed, baked, scalloped, and fried). I eat tons better now and actually enjoy salads, most of all spinach and cabbage (except in canned or boiled form, BLEGH!). But I cannot eat cucumber (or pickles) because I throw up. I think my stomach seriously cannot stand the taste. Also, I dislike tomatoes immensely unless they’re diced very small. I’m weird, what can I say? I dislike cauliflower too.

"We're gonna get him... tonight..."

W. What makes you run late: Fantasizing… Not sexually fantasizing but actually going into another world in my head where I’m a famous writer and I’m doing an interview with various people. I’m being completely honest and serious right now.

X. X-rays you’ve had: I broke my back and arm when I fell out of a friend’s tree house (yeah, it was built real sturdy alright; my friend convinced me to climb up it because his dad and him built it, but I was afraid of heights and kept saying no until he said it was real sturdy; bastard…). Also, I had X-Rays of my teeth.

Y. Yummy food that you make: Really? I am fat. I make the most delicious food in the world. I eat things that are nummy-tasting, got that? Come over and I’ll show you (WARNING: there are bitches with far better cooking skills capable of making actual dinners; I can make something taste good but it’s mostly crap).

Z. Zoo animal: ELEPHANTS! I love me some lions and tigers, but elephants are fucking majestic. There’s something about them. They’re big, they’re beautiful, and they’re calm for the most part. Just don’t annoy them. THEY’RE BIGGER THAN YOU! You’re an ant to them. You know what fat bitches do to ants? We squish them (yes, due to being a bigger person, I can relate to the elephants and not just because we have squishing capabilities).

ZOMFG it's adorbz!